Wed Mar 25, 2015 3:31 pm
#91232
Firstly, I must make it very clear that I'm not making this post really to try an steal anyone's limelight, or make everyone pay attention to me, but over the course of the last two-ish years I've been through a lot, and due to more recent events I feel compelled to put something down in writing (or in this case, typing). Mostly related to my separation, and pending divorce from my wife, I have been stressed out. I'm a big Metallica fan at heart, and I think I have truly come close to reaching the "Frayed Ends of Sanity" on more than one occasion throughout the entire process. Those who have been through this same experience, or maybe even currently going through it at some stage know exactly what I mean. Those of you who haven't been there wouldn't quite understand, but trust me, it's not something you want to understand. The roller coaster of emotions is enough to bring the strongest man or woman to his/her knees.
I've tried to keep my mouth shut about it all except in the company of family, and very close friends, and I will still remain that way except to let those people in my life know that this is something that I am dealing with. I will not, and can not allow myself to speak poorly of my ex out of anger or animosity, because I am a better person than that despite the heartbreak and sadness this has all caused me to deal with. And even more so because I have two lovely daughters who I don't see in person very often, and usually get a phone call from now and then, and sometimes Skype. I know time heals most wounds, and I can only find solace in the hope that one day in the near future my daughters will have immediate access to all the love and affection that I want, so desperately, to give them in a physical sense.
Now, though all of that is still going on, just last week, on March 17th, My Father passed away. In a nutshell, his body fell victim to septic shock, MRSA, the flu, and pneumonia. What had originally started out as what we thought was just a simple case of the flu or a bad head cold, quickly progressed into a proverbial perfect storm of illnesses that took my Dad away from my family way to soon. His immune system went on overload, and his body just could not fight off the multiple infections all at the same time. I was the last member of my family to see him in a somewhat normal state, in that, he was able to communicate. He went to his primary doctor on the Friday the 13th, where he was diagnosed with the flu, and given a prescription, then told to come home and return on Monday if he wasnt feeling better. I had to take him to the ER early Sunday morning at about 3AM. The doctor told me that he was a very sick man, and that he was going to be admitted to the ICU for testing. My dad told me that he was "gonna be okay", and that he wanted me to go home, take a nap since I had been up so early, and then to come back with my mother later in the afternoon. The last words I ever heard my father speak were "Son, I love you". When we returned later, the doctors and nurses were in the process of putting my dad on life support, and he was unable to talk to us anymore. Two days later, at 5:04 PM EST, my father passed away surrounded by his wife, his children, and numerous family members, and two of his closest friends. He was 64 years young.
The pain, and emptiness is something that no one can describe. I'm sure many of us have lost loved ones at some point in our life that we've mourned for. Someone close. Losing a parent is something I guess you have to consider as an inevitability, but you never give much thought to it because we always wanna assume that we have plenty of time to worry about it, or prepare yourself for it. The truth is, you are never prepared for anything like this. I always considered my dad to be a Superman type guy, and would not have even been surprised if one day he had ripped his shirt open to reveal a big "S" on his suit under his regular clothes. He was my absolute supreme hero, and living life without him around to smile at me and give me that "atta boy" that I always longed to hear is going to be tough. I only ever wanted to make him proud of me, but quickly realized that there was very little I could have done that would warrant the favor of my dad. He was proud. Every single person that came to my Dad's funeral told me that there never was an encounter they had with my Dad when he didn't talk about his kids. I was asked to give the eulogy at his service, and it literally took every ounce of courage and strength to do so, but as I said to the crowd of 300 people there: Physically, my father is gone from this world. But truthfully he is still here, and will remain here. There is so much of him in me, and so much of him in the people who knew him, that he can't possibly ever be gone. Look to the ocean that he loved to fish in, look to the mountains that he loved to hike and camp in, and look into your hearts to visit him. I love and miss my Dad. So, on a slightly more happy note, I wanna share my Dad's Senior Year pic from 1968. The three of you guys who are friends with me on Facebook have seen this one already. It's one of my absolute favorite pictures of him. My mom lucked out
DAD- August 10th, 1950 - March 17th, 2015
PS... Memorial tattoo pics coming soon to another thread near you.
I've tried to keep my mouth shut about it all except in the company of family, and very close friends, and I will still remain that way except to let those people in my life know that this is something that I am dealing with. I will not, and can not allow myself to speak poorly of my ex out of anger or animosity, because I am a better person than that despite the heartbreak and sadness this has all caused me to deal with. And even more so because I have two lovely daughters who I don't see in person very often, and usually get a phone call from now and then, and sometimes Skype. I know time heals most wounds, and I can only find solace in the hope that one day in the near future my daughters will have immediate access to all the love and affection that I want, so desperately, to give them in a physical sense.
Now, though all of that is still going on, just last week, on March 17th, My Father passed away. In a nutshell, his body fell victim to septic shock, MRSA, the flu, and pneumonia. What had originally started out as what we thought was just a simple case of the flu or a bad head cold, quickly progressed into a proverbial perfect storm of illnesses that took my Dad away from my family way to soon. His immune system went on overload, and his body just could not fight off the multiple infections all at the same time. I was the last member of my family to see him in a somewhat normal state, in that, he was able to communicate. He went to his primary doctor on the Friday the 13th, where he was diagnosed with the flu, and given a prescription, then told to come home and return on Monday if he wasnt feeling better. I had to take him to the ER early Sunday morning at about 3AM. The doctor told me that he was a very sick man, and that he was going to be admitted to the ICU for testing. My dad told me that he was "gonna be okay", and that he wanted me to go home, take a nap since I had been up so early, and then to come back with my mother later in the afternoon. The last words I ever heard my father speak were "Son, I love you". When we returned later, the doctors and nurses were in the process of putting my dad on life support, and he was unable to talk to us anymore. Two days later, at 5:04 PM EST, my father passed away surrounded by his wife, his children, and numerous family members, and two of his closest friends. He was 64 years young.
The pain, and emptiness is something that no one can describe. I'm sure many of us have lost loved ones at some point in our life that we've mourned for. Someone close. Losing a parent is something I guess you have to consider as an inevitability, but you never give much thought to it because we always wanna assume that we have plenty of time to worry about it, or prepare yourself for it. The truth is, you are never prepared for anything like this. I always considered my dad to be a Superman type guy, and would not have even been surprised if one day he had ripped his shirt open to reveal a big "S" on his suit under his regular clothes. He was my absolute supreme hero, and living life without him around to smile at me and give me that "atta boy" that I always longed to hear is going to be tough. I only ever wanted to make him proud of me, but quickly realized that there was very little I could have done that would warrant the favor of my dad. He was proud. Every single person that came to my Dad's funeral told me that there never was an encounter they had with my Dad when he didn't talk about his kids. I was asked to give the eulogy at his service, and it literally took every ounce of courage and strength to do so, but as I said to the crowd of 300 people there: Physically, my father is gone from this world. But truthfully he is still here, and will remain here. There is so much of him in me, and so much of him in the people who knew him, that he can't possibly ever be gone. Look to the ocean that he loved to fish in, look to the mountains that he loved to hike and camp in, and look into your hearts to visit him. I love and miss my Dad. So, on a slightly more happy note, I wanna share my Dad's Senior Year pic from 1968. The three of you guys who are friends with me on Facebook have seen this one already. It's one of my absolute favorite pictures of him. My mom lucked out
DAD- August 10th, 1950 - March 17th, 2015
PS... Memorial tattoo pics coming soon to another thread near you.
Last edited by chuckwagon on Tue May 19, 2015 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.