Mon Oct 12, 2020 9:05 pm
#104569
As if 2020 was not bad enough, Halloween will not be happening for me this year. I don't keep it a secret that I suffer from depression, severe anxiety and PTSD, and while I take happy pills sometimes my mental state becomes out of control. These symptoms come in the form of a lot of sleeping, crying and not caring about much of anything at all. I don't talk about all this on Facebook, so those of you who are friends with me probably haven't noticed much of a change in my usual silly posting.
Unfortunately circumstances this year have me in a place I can't get out of. C-19 certainly didn't help anything. My mother, mother in law, husband and I are all very high risk, although we have all managed to avoid the virus thus far. Early on a friend of mine passed away from the virus. I won't go into the details of what it meant when dealing with a death from it, but it was unimaginably horrible. Currently a good friend of my husband and I is in the hospital after testing positive and he is not doing well at all. Although not as serious we had to cancel our multi country trip to Europe this year and our trip to Norway next year for my one and only bucket list item, to see the Northern Lights.
My mother, well, she isn't always the greatest. This is the woman who actually blames me from giving my dog, Marley, cancer. Over 2 years since he passed and she still brings it up. This year she is on a roll and I haven't been able to do one thing right in her mind. I could cure Covid and she would find something wrong with it. Despite things like that I love my mom, but for now we are not speaking. It's hard, she is 80 years old, lives on her own and just had a full knee replacement. I could write a Stephen King sized novel of all that has transpired between us just this year and we don't even live near each other.
The worst was finding out my 2nd. mom, the woman who raised me for the last 40 years, has cancer. Some of you know a bit of this story, and I won't go into the long details here unless you really want to know. Anyway, she is 88 years old and tough as can be. Her surgery was in the beginning of August in a different state. She had to have a feeding tube, tracheostomy and 11 hour surgery. We were all told at her age and how weak she was she was unlikely to make it through that long under anesthesia. She made it through but spent a month not able to talk, the tumor was in her nasal cavity affecting her sinuses and mouth. She was found unresponsive once already and now has a DNR. She is still hospitalized and unable to have visitors and unable to talk on the phone. I wait for the call every day that she is gone. It's constantly in my mind.
There have been many more little things that just keep adding up. I am lucky my husband has been working from home for the last 6 or 7 months only having to go in every once in awhile. He works at the University, so it's not the safest place to be to try and stay healthy. There are a lot of student who are not following the rules and don't care.
A lot of people have said to decorate and get some pumpkins and it would make me feel better or a bit happy. I don't have the energy. My distraction has been working on my Etsy shop which is usually the entire day if I'm awake. I do have a Halloween makeup plan, so all is not lost, although it's not going to be a trick or treating costume or anything. Kimber will be dressing up. I haven't been reading the posts here nor have I really been keeping up with messenger. I haven't even watched a scary movie.
I did buy a few Halloween water globes, so I'm not completely gone, but it's just not happening for me this year. I will be coming around to look at other's carves and things. I just won't be participating that much.
I still love Halloween, I still love all you minions and our beloved Patch Master. Thanks for reading a heavily abbreviated long post.
Unfortunately circumstances this year have me in a place I can't get out of. C-19 certainly didn't help anything. My mother, mother in law, husband and I are all very high risk, although we have all managed to avoid the virus thus far. Early on a friend of mine passed away from the virus. I won't go into the details of what it meant when dealing with a death from it, but it was unimaginably horrible. Currently a good friend of my husband and I is in the hospital after testing positive and he is not doing well at all. Although not as serious we had to cancel our multi country trip to Europe this year and our trip to Norway next year for my one and only bucket list item, to see the Northern Lights.
My mother, well, she isn't always the greatest. This is the woman who actually blames me from giving my dog, Marley, cancer. Over 2 years since he passed and she still brings it up. This year she is on a roll and I haven't been able to do one thing right in her mind. I could cure Covid and she would find something wrong with it. Despite things like that I love my mom, but for now we are not speaking. It's hard, she is 80 years old, lives on her own and just had a full knee replacement. I could write a Stephen King sized novel of all that has transpired between us just this year and we don't even live near each other.
The worst was finding out my 2nd. mom, the woman who raised me for the last 40 years, has cancer. Some of you know a bit of this story, and I won't go into the long details here unless you really want to know. Anyway, she is 88 years old and tough as can be. Her surgery was in the beginning of August in a different state. She had to have a feeding tube, tracheostomy and 11 hour surgery. We were all told at her age and how weak she was she was unlikely to make it through that long under anesthesia. She made it through but spent a month not able to talk, the tumor was in her nasal cavity affecting her sinuses and mouth. She was found unresponsive once already and now has a DNR. She is still hospitalized and unable to have visitors and unable to talk on the phone. I wait for the call every day that she is gone. It's constantly in my mind.
There have been many more little things that just keep adding up. I am lucky my husband has been working from home for the last 6 or 7 months only having to go in every once in awhile. He works at the University, so it's not the safest place to be to try and stay healthy. There are a lot of student who are not following the rules and don't care.
A lot of people have said to decorate and get some pumpkins and it would make me feel better or a bit happy. I don't have the energy. My distraction has been working on my Etsy shop which is usually the entire day if I'm awake. I do have a Halloween makeup plan, so all is not lost, although it's not going to be a trick or treating costume or anything. Kimber will be dressing up. I haven't been reading the posts here nor have I really been keeping up with messenger. I haven't even watched a scary movie.
I did buy a few Halloween water globes, so I'm not completely gone, but it's just not happening for me this year. I will be coming around to look at other's carves and things. I just won't be participating that much.
I still love Halloween, I still love all you minions and our beloved Patch Master. Thanks for reading a heavily abbreviated long post.
"Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead?"
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